Dancing towards the Truth

I just don't know

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 00:52:20 GMT

God forbid Jen, i am not doin this because of you; I am under no obligation to make this world a better place.lol Why do I even write, school makes me write, life makes me write, why would I write for fun? By the way I have been reading your posts Luke, I just haven't had any witty retorts for your gems of literature. I did like the president post though (I agree and disagree).

By the way folks I just woke up from a delicious afternoon nap next to my husband, mostly because I was having a dream with my dad's family in it. Talk about ruin the mood.

I honestly don't know what to write about, considering I'm pretty sure Im driving everyone crazy with my excitedness about WSU and moving; all except Loni of course. I am truly excited though, it's an adventure and lets face it I need an adventure. I feel intelligent again....I should, there is a form of conditional logic named after me after all.

Lately I find the universe to be strange; and I get amused with people who try to convince themselves that they love their life. It's like watching a nature show on Lemmings; THEY FUCK AND THEN THEY COMMIT SUICIDE. This is the same universe that drives tiny baby worms that look like giant sperms to commit suicide on the brick pathways at the college after a rain. Walking around I humm to myself "Pour little wormies, don't you know you're not spermies?"

Anyways, you have been watching the Crazy Barbara channel, we now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

YAY

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 06:00:29 GMT

Okay so real quick I got accepted to WSU!!!! Yay! Ok back to your regularly scheduled boring lives.

Strangeness with the Moi

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 05:05:52 GMT

So tonight there was pretty much nothing on tv except Rocky Horror. I figured Moira could watch it cause it was on basic cable. thus like watching it with training wheels.

meh

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 02:46:28 GMT

Just a quick note.... Wizard's first rule: People are stupid. This includes my in-laws, I think Aaron more and more is disgusted that he shares DNA with these people.

Rant

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 22:41:28 GMT

So the other day I made a phone call to a woman that I was friends with in highschool. Mind you it's been about 10 years since I talked to her. She still sends me xmas letters every year to my mom's house. But recently she sent an entire packet filled with the letters I sent her right after I left Centralia, saying she had recently found them and thought I might want them. Ok first off if I send you letters their for you to keep not return, but this is Jenna a weird one. She is what we refer to as Molly Mormon, yes she is one of my old Mormon friends, the funny thing is in ways shes not much different than other people I know who aren't Mormon.

So I decide to call her and let her know I received every letter, and she totally freaks out cause she can't believe its me. We were very close friends afterall. She asks me how I'm doin, and reiterates some of the finer points of my life the constant moving, the divorce, the total lack of direction on my part. And I tell her I remarried the same man, and filled her in on the many journeys of the Hudson clan. She then catches me up on her life and talks about all her many projects(her spanish preschool,managing the complex they live in, and music lessons, all her volunteer work.), how her husband travels all over the globe, and how even though they could live in a 3 bedroom for free she thinks its better for the girls(she has 3 daughters) to learn about sacrifice and live in a 2bdrm. Ok to sum up pretty much the whole conversation was Jenna telling me about how wonderful her life is and how she feels sorry for me cause it must be so hard for me. She automatically assumed we lived in subsidized housing because Aaron works customer service and that doesn't pay very well. And yes we live in subsidized housing for the first time ever by choice, and most people don't even know it is subsidized housing unless I tell them. Then she proceeds to make a comment about how moving around so much couldn't have been good for Moira. I start to get a little aggrevated at this point, but I keep my cool and tell her that Moira has become very adaptable because of it and she is very well adjusted.

So I've spent alot of time thinking lately and talking to Aaron about a common problem we have. We are so sick of people thinking because we make less money our life must suck. Yes we do not own a house, yes we don't have a brand new car, yes it takes planning to buy Moira the extras(but we still do). Honestly, some of the happiest times we've had have been when we were at our poorest. What troubles me the most is how so many of the people we know who have more money than us talk constantly about how wonderful their lives are, it's like their trying to convince themselves. We don't talk much about it cause we know we have a wonderful life. Jenna spent a majority of her time talking about all the things they can afford to do and how busy they are. The girl pretty much went to college to get a man, if you ask me that is a waste of time and money. Yes, I want to go to college and make something more of myself than a housewife. I know what a noble job it is to be a housewife, but I also know that I want to be a geologist, and the funny thing is Aaron and Moira want that for me too. Moira is excited for the day when I become a Geologist, she wants to travel with us. The thing is whatever choices we make; Aaron, Moira, and I make them together as a team.

We don't want to own a house; its too much work and trouble. Aaron doesn't want to spend the free time he has mowing the lawn, he wants to spend it with us. Plus we want to have the freedom to pick up and go(I think we were gypsies in a past life). We don't want to own a huge,brand new car; first off we don't want to contribute to the reason our soldiers are in Iraq. When we can afford it we think it would be cool to own that new car that runs on hydrogen. Talk about saving on gas. We have chosen our life and we love it.

She then made a comment about how I smoke and drink. You know what I think I'm aware of that. Smoking is a nasty habit, I think I know that, I've tried to quit, it's not exactly an easy thing to do. The thing is it is the only horrible thing I do, I'm not beating my child or ignoring her, or going out and doin drugs, or cheating on my spouse, or many of the other horrible things people do. I smoke and one of these days I will have the strength to quit. I find it interesting that even though I'm not Christian, I behave more like one than most do. I don't say things about people unless I'm willing to hear all the bad things about myself.

I know this is long, but I've held my tongue for a long time about this. Don't judge me and my life, and certainly don't feel sorry for me or my family we love our life, we are content. I'd rather have very little material wise and get to spend quality time with my husband and daughter instead of having a husband I never see so that I can have a bunch of material things. What good is having those things if you have no one to share it with, and the time you have together is spent worrying about how your going to pay for those things. When I do become a Geologist I'm not going to leave my family behind to go research, they are coming with me (hopefully to Italy). They are my life and whatever we do we do it together.

You know I may not be your average American housewife, and I may be unusual, but Aaron told me that's why he married me. He said "you aren't boring, and I love to listen to you talk about everything you know, you make my life interesting." I know who I am, I am a good mother who talks to her daughter about anything she wants to know, I am a wife who knows there is not a better man in the world than her husband, a sister who loves her siblings beyond comprehension, a daughter who knows her parents are flawed but knows they love their children, a friend who will always be there eventhough we may be angry with eachother, and a woman who makes mistakes but isn't afraid to say she is wrong. Ya I may smoke, and drink , and put my foot in my mouth alot, and I like to dance with hot chicks. But I'm a good person, and I make no apologies for who I am. To borrow a page from the Christians "let ye without sin be the first to cast a stone".

my weekend

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 16:08:59 GMT

Well hopefully with my grandmother's funeral over with the bad luck will stop. It was quite a stressful weekend, I don't think I've ever seen that many people in my parents house before. So my siblings and I decided to sit on the porch, drink beer, and shoot the breeze. Mom was glad that all her children were there and her adopted children. I never want that kind of group together again, my mom's side is crazy, and my dad's side are a bunch of asshats. Anyway off to school.

My life the enigma

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 06:41:26 GMT

I feel like im being pulled in five different directions right now. And Im none to happy about it. I actually stood up to someone today and told them that I'm done, come talk to me when you have something better to say. So yes I finally found my balls. I'm exhausted, still loving school, dealing with loss, messy house, broke again. I'll I have to say is BLARGH!!!!

Life

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 02:16:33 GMT

So many things goin on. School seems to be the one part of my life that I'm doin well in, not to mention the only part I have complete control over. Just so ya'll know within the first two weeks I got 100% on all four of my math papers which includes two quizzes. My english teacher is fricken awesome not to mention pretty hot. Every paper I've gotten back from him has had nothing but good things written on them. So ya school is goin great. I love being there it reminds me who I am inside, besides a mother, a wife, a sister, and friend. I get to be me, where no one has any pre-conceived notions of who I am.

My english class has one side effect I don't think I was ready for. I have had to write numerous papers already, mostly about perceptions and the way we see the world. I had forgotten what happens when I truly write, it can be pretty painful sometimes. Aaron said I really needed this though cause I haven't actually written in years, and he remembers that being my outlet. I think he's more happy I'm doing it again than I am. This writing fits with the theme of my life right now. Just in the last two weeks I have had to see two of my friends in a completely new light. I have seen them without my blinders on, it's pretty scary at first, when people shatter the illusions you had of them or what your relationship truly is. The funny thing is it's never their fault, the viewer is the one to blame. We have these biases of what people should be in our little world, and alot of the time they can't live up to that or your idea of them is really not what you thought it was. The funny thing is it's never really good or bad, it just is. The hard part depending on the relationship is whether you can go on loving them even after seeing the reality, and with one of them I can definitely say yes. The one thing I am learning through all this, is yes I am an emotional person, but I'm not ashamed of that. I feel things very deeply and strongly, this is who I am, it doesn't make me a weaker person. I believe I am a strong person because I am not afraid to feel, it reminds me I am alive, I'm not afraid to grab life by the balls anymore.

Being in school has really bonded me, Moira, and Aaron into a tighter unit. Moira does her homework with me and we talk about our days at school. I took them both with me to do an assignment I had this weekend. We went on the gallery tour of Whatcom county. It gave Aaron the inspiration to do his art again, which I was so happy for. You should of seen the look on his face when we went to the artist Todd Horton studio, I picked that one especially for him. It was like he came alive again. It reminded me of one of the reasons I am going back to school, so that one day he can have a studio and that will be his job, to make his art again. Moira was fascinated by the paintings and it made her step out of her comfort bubble. We've decided that once a month this is something we are going to do, only we'll make a day of it. They have given me the motivation to do what I need to do. And I love them deeply for it. I don't know what I would do if they weren't in my life.

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 01:23:47 GMT

You're on my friends list. I'd like to know 27 things about you. Just copy and hit reply and paste in the comments section with answers.Thanks! You'll be surprised how much you didn't know about your friends after this! Then copy the meme and see if anyone answers you.

1. Do you have a tattoo?
2. How old are you?
3. Are you single or taken?
4. Fish?
5. Do you dream in color?
6. Do you have any recurring dreams?
7. How about them hipsters?
8. How did we meet?
9. What's your philosophy on life and death?
10. If you could do anything with me, what would it be?
11. What's your favorite guilty pleasure?
12. Do you like musicals?
13. What is your fondest memory of me?
14. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?
15. If you could close your eyes and be transported anywhere in the world, where would it be?
16. What are you wearing?
17. Have you ever gone swimming after dark?
18. Have you ever sung in public?
19. If we had one day to hang out together, what would we do?
20. Which do you prefer - short or long hair?
21. What's your favorite day of the week?
22. What's your favorite color?
23. What's your favorite period in history?
24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you.
25. How many pets do you have right now?
26. What was your first impression of me?
27. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

The dream to end all dreams

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 10:02:56 GMT

Ok so yesterday started out good. Don came up with Trish, we made brunch it was good. I love seeing them! Jen, Chad, and Liam came over we hung out, it was good. Around 6p everyone had left, Moira and I hung out together we passed out on the couch. I sent Moira to bed and proceeded to pass out on the couch again. That is when all hell broke loose, at least within my subconcious.

The dream started with me in an apartment I didn't recognize alone with Moira, I was lookin in the freezer for something to make for dinner, and next to the kitchen was a door. In walks Bear (for those of you who don't know, he's an ex-roomate of mine), he proceeded to try and fondle me, I got pissed and pushed him away. I then walk out the back door. The owners of the apartment were there bitching about the way the tenants treated the place (ie:hoses laying on the ground, unapproved garden decorations...)they were re-thinking renting the apartments, so I told them that's something they should discuss with the manager, not me. Then I looked up and noticed dark clouds coming from the east with lots of lightening (mind you this is taking place in Bellingham). My first instinct was tornado, so I was yelling for everyone to get inside. While we were inside I kept asking if they had a basement, they kept saying no. So I started feeling around on the floor for an access hatch. I found one, but when I opened it I felt extreme heat, I quickly slammed it and told them we were in trouble that it wasn't a tornado, it was something much, much worse... a pyroclastic flow from Mt.Baker. We were about to buried alive. I held on to Moira and knew there was nothing to be done. I could feel pressure and the roof was about to cave in from the weight of ash. And that was where I woke up in the dream(it became a dream within a dream). Confusing,I know. I was then in a suburban with Moira in the back (apparently the first part of the dream was a premonition), I told her to cover up with all the stuff in back, and was flying down the road to our apartment. When I got there Don was there, and Alan, dad, loni, and a bunch of Don's friends I didn't know. I told them what I had forseen that would happen the next day, I was frantic. Trying to get people to listen to me, nobody would listen. Then the acid rain came, I opened the door and felt a blast of heat and some of the rain got on my leg, I tried to close the door but it wouldn't close all the way. The weird thing was Moira was no longer there, she was at school, so I yelled to Aaron he needed to go get her she was across the street. I tried to find him 2 umbrellas (like that would help) who knows why. But he left to go get her. Then I told my dad we needed to find some vehicles so we could get out of there before the big eruption, that I said would happen at 2pm on November 27. Weird that I was so specific about the date and time, what was weirder is why would Moira be in school on November 27th, it's Thanksgiving break. So my dad said that the truck and the bronco were the only cars not damaged by the rain, but he had to fix something on the truck to make it drivable. I kept telling everyone to gather supplies, but it seemed like no one would listen even after I showed them what the acid rain had done to my pants. I started yelling at Aaron, and finally people started to do what I asked. I then told Don we needed to find mom, so I tried calling her on my cell phone but she wouldn't answer, then Don "Barb, she's sitting right next to you." The last thing I remember before I woke up was people were getting things ready to go and Moira was with me. Then I woke up. When I woke up I had the most horrible feeling of anxiety. Apparently my subconscious retained more information from Geology class then my concious mind. Cause when I looked up some things on the USGS site I found out that it is possible to have acid rain during a volcanic eruption, volcano's also make their own weather, thus the reason for the lightening and dark clouds.
So that was my disturbing dream I had last night. All I can say is I hope to goddess it's not a premonition.

New Year

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 11:01:12 GMT

Happy anniversary too us, happy anniversary too us! I asked aaron if he new our anniversary was the 1st and he said yes and I asked if he new how long we've been married he said uhhhhh not sure,and I can't fault the guy I wasn't sure till Jen said you were re-married on what would have been your 10th year together so we've been re-married 2 years! Yeahhhhhh! I did that all with a wicked drunk on!!! So technically we've been together for 12 years off and on!! Sweet we rock!!! Happy New Year everyone, hope its great!! Oh and I become an old lady on Jan. 9th too. yeah. not too excited about that one.

SNOW and its various effects on my life

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 07:55:04 GMT

First off Aaron has been off work since Thursday last week, the first day it snowed they shut down the the Bellingham T-Mobile call center which was sunday(Aaron's Monday), it was still closed on Monday, today aaron called them cause there is a 3 foot high pile of snow behind our car. Its so bad the mail hasn't been delivered to our complex in 2 days. Aaron is going to try and take the bus tomorrow cause the call center has decided to be open from 8am to 8p to allow those who need to to take the bus. I just hope they can some how make up for the hours. So basically I have been trapped since saturday with these two and their driving me NUTS!!! And Moira still doesn't have school tomorrow. So Jen I feel your pain!

Starry eyed suprise

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 22:18:49 GMT

For those of my friends constantly looking to the heavens for an answer I have one, meteor shower. I will be hanging will my daughter in the field near our house to watch the wonderful Perseids meteor shower Friday after sun set (the peak unfortunately will be at around 4pm so blah), so if you want to come hang with us you are more than welcome. The only thing that sux is this year won't be quite as dramatic as next years because of it being a full moon on the ninth. Just let us know if you're up for some star watchin.

Crazy adrenaline junky daughter

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 17:20:26 GMT

So this weekend was interesting. My family and I decided to go off in search of some water to stave off the heat. Sorry Alan we never managed to get over to your house, we decided to deal with my family and go to Aunt Nancy's, she has a much larger pool (Big Lake). My aunt taught Aaron how to drive a jet ski, then she took me out on the lake and if I didn't know better I would have thought she was trying to lose me off the back of the jet ski. Then Aaron took Moira out on the jet ski, I though she would be scared but apparently she is a Rogers through and through, she had a blast when aaron went fast and over the waves. Then Aaron took me and Moira on a jet ski and Aunt nancy got on hers and we went to the end of the lake to swim. Moira had a life jacket of course and didn't quite get that if you jump in the lake it won't keep you on the top of the water, you have to go down and then it will float you back up. Well with this crazy look on her face she jumped off the back of the jet ski (didn't hold her nose mind you) I was already in the water so I grabbed the back of her jacket and pulled her up to the surface faster. Upon reaching the surface she was a little freaked of course and had water up her nose, Moira doesn't have a lot of swimming experience so this was a good lesson for her. She didn't let it bother he to much cause she still said she had a blast. And Aaron actually was having a good time, he also got to ride on dad's bike out to the lake so that helped. All and all it was an awesome way to spend an overly hot day with the family.

Before the weekend started Aaron had gotten a call from his brother that his favorite grandfather had passed. The circumstances around his death peeved aaron a little. Aarons aunts and uncles had convinced grandpa to get an unnecessary surgery to remove his colon (he had colon cancer), when he could have gone in for shots and would have probably died of old age. Needless to say he never woke up from the experimental procedure. Aaron's dad is no longer talking to his siblings because he didn't agree with what they did, and now the jerks are arguing over his father's estate. So Aaron really needed this weekend.
anyway more later I'm rambling....

Boredom

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 17:44:46 GMT

Sittin here babysitting Liam while Jen's at work so I thought I would actually post a meaningful post. Been pretty much just flowing with life. My depression has been rather strong lately not sure why, I think my cycle is changin again, how annoying. Things have been going pretty well, Been gettin awesome grades on my Interior design homework, so far the lowest grade I've gotten is a B+ . Been having lots of fun with my friends dancin my booty off and meetin hot chicks, and torturing Alan lol. I've lost weight just from dancing wed and sat. Now Im positive not dancing for the last 3 years is the reason I started gainin weight. Aaron and I are doin really well, he says its good Ive started goin out dancin cause now he can play video games and not worry about pissin me off, cause when Im home we pay attention to eachother. Life is sweet. Moira and I spend alot of time together what with summer break and all. We've been going to the library and I ordered her some books to learn how to play the flute Jenny gave her. She made a note on the flute the first time she picked it up, so Jenny agreed to teach her. Because apparently thats amazing, I wouldn't know I played the clarinet in school. Well better go Trina is gonna be here soon to help me stave off boredom. And Im rambling anyways. Catch ya'll later.

My soon to be nephew

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 04:48:42 GMT

Today my nephew is being born. And he even had the common sense to be born on my older brother's birthday (easier for me to remember), obviously he gets this trait from his mother. Sorry Luke..you know I love ya!

This is for you Alan you were curious

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 19:12:42 GMT

My personality type is ENTJ acorrding to the Myers-Briggs personality type test.

Im a Barbie girl in a Barbie world.....

Fri, 07 Jul 2006 17:03:42 GMT

OMG soo I've been little miss party girl lately and boy have I been having fun. And Aaron has been reapin the rewards. I feel really bad though I think I'm wearin Alan out.
Last night I had a great heart to heart with my brother and then I told him to quit playin with my heart he'll get it all dirty and to give it back....blah. I have a sinus headache, I don't think my body knows to have hangovers properly. Soooooo Ill will see all you guys out tomorrow night, oh and my boobs.

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 23:45:42 GMT

What Planet Are You From?

this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim

My Love

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 23:16:18 GMT

I would like to say this is accurate.

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	delicious
Your hugs are...	gentle
Your eyes...	light up a day
Your touch is...	irresistable
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	entrancing
Your love is...	everlasting

Quiz created with MemeGen!

<input type='hidden' name='un'

BA and AA

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 17:38:16 GMT

BEFORE AARON

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

AFTER AARON

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

See what happens when you chase a man across country on a bus!

ewww perfume mouth

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 23:49:19 GMT

Ok so this makes my list of top one-hundred gross things not to do:
light a cigarette off a stick of chinese incense (even if you don't inhale at all the first few drags) it still leaves icky perfuminess in your mouth.

Damnit JIM!!!

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 03:35:23 GMT

TABLE cellPadding=20 align=center>
<tbody>
<tr>
<td align="middle">Pure Nerd
78 % Nerd, 39% Geek, 8% Dork </td></tr>
<tr>
<td>For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd.

The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful.

Congratulations!

Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Professional Wrestling

Love & Sexuality

America/Politics

Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST </td></tr>
<tr>
<td align="middle"> </td></tr></tbody></table>

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 89% on nerdiness

You scored higher than 49% on geekosity

You scored higher than 3% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 07:48:07 GMT

Get your own spectral analysis from Area 23^®

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 16:40:59 GMT

True friends don't give advice, they impart hope.